God's Sufficient Grace

Big prayer request

So I thought last Friday was bad...today was worse. My wallet was stolen out of my purse while I was grocery shopping this afternoon. I don't know when it happened, but my wallet was there when I arrived at the store and wasn't when I went to check out with my almost-full cart of groceries. I had just bought a cheap little wallet/change-purse a few days ago and it was a somewhat conspicuous color, so I'm guessing that's how the person saw it in my purse. The store was very crowded and it's not surprising that the person had time to reach in my cart and purse while I was staring intently at the Thai writing on various products trying to figure out if they were what I was looking for or not. Also, I'm beginning to realize just how much I stand out from everyone else here. I think that someone must have taken one look at me and thought that because I was a "foreigner" I must be rich. If the person was looking for cash only, he/she was probably pretty disappointed. However, in addition to having some cash in my wallet, I also had an American credit card, Thai debit card and - to top it all off - a copy of my passport (including my picture and signature).

After searching my purse a few times and then all of the already bagged groceries, I realized I had to leave all my almost-purchases at the store, not having any money to pay for them anymore. (I felt bad that I could not even explain to the frustrated clerk that my wallet had been stolen!) To make the afternoon even more exciting (not that I needed more excitement) I had forgotten my cell phone this trip, leaving it in my apartment. (I did buy another one last Saturday, by the way, and have been slowly gathering the contact info that was in it before. Haven't completed that task though...) So, not only did I not have money to get back to my apartment, I had no way to call anyone for help either. Fortunately, the store I was in is only a few miles from my apartment, so I just started walking. And I spent the entire walk back praying. Surprisingly enough, though, it wasn't just panicky, "please help!" praying. As I walked, I found myself full of praise/thanksgiving, confessions and, of course, questions...

Praise:
~ I did not panic. I didn't even cry. God gave me peace this whole afternoon as I discovered what happened and later when I was making lots of phone calls to cancel credit cards, contact people, etc. Not only an absence of panic, but He gave me an assurance of His Sovereignty over this situation and of His presence with me and I found a great sense of security in that. I had thought that my cell phone primarily gave me that sense of "security" - that I felt safe knowing that many others were merely a call away. But more than even having others on call, I found peace today knowing that my heavenly Father was watching over my every step. All of those promises in the Psalms have seemed so real lately: God truly does have His wings spread over me and I rest in His shadow (Ps. 91:1-4); He watches over each one of my "comings" and "goings" (Ps. 121:7-8). As I walked home alone, along the narrow edge of a very busy highway, I felt like nothing or no one could touch me. I even came across a street dog who growled a me and looked for a minute as if he were going to bite or attack, but then he turned away and walked the other direction. The LORD is indeed my fortress.

~ All this happened in the daytime on a sunny day. I think that contributed to the lack of panic. If it had been at night, I think I would have been a lot more scared. If it had been raining, it would have been harder to walk home.

~ I was close to home. Thank the Lord I was not downtown with no money and no way to get back!

~ Nothing more than my wallet was stolen - and I'm pretty sure I was able to contact everyone/place to cancel things in time. It could have been worse.

Confessions:
~ I am way too careless as a person. I should have been more careful with my belongings, been more alert and should think more in general. I struggle with this often and often it gets me in trouble.

~ More importantly, in a spiritual sense I have been way too careless. I have been praying but not with the faithfulness and urgency that I need to while living and ministering here. I am in a battle and I've been playing around as if on a vacation. I let my mind daydream often (of many wonderful things that are not wrong, I don't think) when I should be disciplining it for war. I have not sought protection from my Father in the way that I should, nor realized my utter dependence on Him.

As I prayed, I held out to God my questions in all this. Why is all this happening to me? Not just today, but last Friday and a whole week of physical sickness (I had to take a day and 1/2 off of school this week) in between. It is so clear to me that God is Sovereign in this - not one of these things is beyond His control to prevent - in fact, the obviousness of His sustaining grace and care is evidence to me that He is causing these things for a reason. But what is the reason? Am I being disciplined for my carelessness and stupidity? Is this spiritual warfare? How does God feel about me right now? Is He displeased with the fact that I haven't sought Him more? Is He listening to my confused cries of need, concerned about meeting them?

I thought about my Dad. Actually, he was the first person that came to mind when I realized my wallet was gone. I thought about having to tell him what happened. I could just hear him say "Catherine!" with a frustrated "when are you ever going to learn to be more careful?!" tone of voice. But then I know if I saw him, I'd also see great concern in his eyes (especially now as he's so far away) and that the next minute he'd be doing everything in his power to make it right and to protect me.

I have a feeling the Lord is displeased with me - that He is not in approval of my sometimes way too happy-go-lucky, "it'll all work out in the end" approach to my own spiritual life and warfare. But I don't think it's the disapproval of Him as a Judge, but rather as a Father. A Father who loves me enough to discipline me for such sins in order to wake me up! And I think that if I were able to actually see God, I would see concern and great love in His eyes and would know that He cares about all my predicaments. And then I would be able to watch, as I already have seen in part, Him do everything in His power (which is any and everything possible!) to make it right. Thank you God my Savior that I am covered by the work of Your Son Jesus Christ so that I no longer stand under the condemning eyes of a Holy Judge but rather the compassionate eyes of a Dad!

Will you pray and praise for/with me also? Please pray for protection against identity theft. Pray that I will be able to get new cards without too much hassle or complications (and more groceries without further excitement!). Pray that God will continue to protect me, heal me and watch over my ways. And pray for protection against spiritual warfare in this dark land.

posted by Catherine Rogers @ 4:45 AM