First Day of School
Today was my "real" first day of school - first full day of school. I had 4 classes (first period 5th grade strings was actually canceled for today): one 1st, one 3rd, and two 4th grade classes. They all went pretty well; at least nothing went wrong. They were full of procedures and rules and I felt like all of them lacked energy. I don't know if it was because the students don't know me and are skeptical or just not very enthusiastic or if I was really boring or what, but I came away feeling like not a very good teacher. Hopefully it'll get better as time goes on, though, as I get to know them better.I must admit, today I missed Pinewood terribly. I miss all of my students there so much. I miss them knowing me and me knowing them - and just having them in my classes. I felt achey all day, knowing that school was going on at home and I was not a part of it. And thinking about chapel happening tomorrow without me makes me even more sad. I love my students at Pinewood - and I know I will probably, hopefully, grow to love my students here as well but that hasn't happened yet and they just seem different and foreign to me (not "foreign" as far as culture goes - though they definitely are! - but as people).
I miss my family too. I keep thinking about my two all-time favorite students (Clint and Will). It's so hard knowing that they won't be in my classes anymore or that I won't see them after school (or for that matter, ride to school with them). I miss having my Dad just next door where I could constantly visit him throughout the day to run ideas by him or eat lunch with him or whatever. And I have a feeling this Friday will kill me when my Kindergarten class comes and the students won't be brought in by my mom. Seeing her with her class was always one of the brightest moments of my week.
Strange too, but as I think about how precious last year, especially, was to me, I really miss sharing with my students about missions and God's desire to reach the nations with the gospel. I felt like I talked about it all so much and we would all get so excited about the vision. Now that I'm actually here, though, that vision seems a bit more "sticky". I guess if I were to stop and think and dream about it again, even here it would be as glorious and awesome as it has been to me in the past. It's just so much more real here, and already the day by day living isn't quite as smooth or consistently glorious as the dream. I knew it wouldn't be - at least in my head I knew, and I would try to prep my heart for that reality. It's just interesting seeing it all played out in my life.
Don't mean to be depressing for all those reading. God has been good to me: He has not changed even though I (obviously) am on an emotional rollercoaster! Just want anyone from Pinewood who is reading to know that I miss you greatly! You are in my thoughts and prayers often.
posted by Catherine Rogers @ 3:20 AM
8 Comments:
Catherine, your greatest strength as a teacher is in the love that you show for your students. But love is something that takes time to develop . . . and sacrifice. It WILL come. And yes, as you get to know these new kids you will love them, and they will love you.
As for missions, don't hesistate to talk and teach about it. Just because you are engaged in "missions" work by working there in Thailand doesn't mean those kids shouldn't catch a vision for the work of spreading the Gospel beyond themselves and their own community. Even if many of them aren't actually believers right now, you can confidently teach as if they will be, and will come to desire to see the Gospel spread. That purpose is why you're there, and you can teach with the faith that God will bring it to pass! So enjoy your love for missions even there! I'll be praying God will give you the wisdom to know how to do it.
Dear Catherine,
You can still run ideas past your dad and mom, only through email, etc. And I will definetly be praying for you.
One of the things I did while with P&C in Lopburi, was read missionary biographies and the thing that stood out in these books was their high level of frustration, homesickness, feeling "foreign" and feeling inadequate to the job set before them. But the good news in each book was the provision from the Lord to carry on with whatever the challange and watch and see how the Lord would provide a solution to whatever the situation. Let Him carry your load of homesickness and feelings of inadequecies. And for encouragement read the Psalms and note how many times the "song" starts out as a song of despair but always ends with praise for the Lord. HE brought you to Thailand for a reason. God bless you in all your endeavors.
helen
Catherine ~
We miss you, too!
I had to laugh, though, reading your blog this morning! I can remember some of your first days, weeks, and months here at Pinewood. They were hard, too! There were new students and new schedules and new activities. I remember telling you that the first year would be the hardest - your first classes, your first chapels, your first group of chapel singers, your first closing programs, your first Christmas programs, the first musical, etc. It was ALL hard at first. But ... you prayed, you planned, you worked hard ... and it all came together. The same will happen where you are now. And it will get easier. You WILL love your classes and your students ... that just takes some time. You are adapting to a LOT of things all at once and it will take a while before it "feels right."
It is good that you realize that God hasn't changed. That tells me that you WILL be fine - it will just be hard for a while.
Yes, you are missing some things here, like the first chapel. But ... you have also missed some NOT so fun things! Emily was excited when her computer and phone finally actually had HER name on them this morning ... until we realized that neither of them would let her sign on ... she can't get her voice mail or her computer stuff! She is getting to know Nick well. Then this morning the 8th grade class showed up. I say show up becasue it wasn't the day or time our schedule has them on! They just arrived unexpectantly! Another class is supposed to be here now and aren't. We've had water off and the Internet down and phones not working and copiers broken. The color printer sends its love, too! It's behavior hasn't changed.
I'm SO excited about your cello!!!!! Choir, orchestra & Praise Band have been praying for that cello. I can't wait to let choir know tonight that God answered their prayers with a "blessing!"
And, despite what the 1st day of school may have seemed like today (or was it yesterday? or tomorrow????)... I know YOU will be a blessing to your students this year!
Singing His Praise,
Leslie
Catherine ~
We miss you, too!
I had to laugh, though, reading your blog this morning! I can remember some of your first days, weeks, and months here at Pinewood. They were hard, too! There were new students and new schedules and new activities. I remember telling you that the first year would be the hardest - your first classes, your first chapels, your first group of chapel singers, your first closing programs, your first Christmas programs, the first musical, etc. It was ALL hard at first. But ... you prayed, you planned, you worked hard ... and it all came together. The same will happen where you are now. And it will get easier. You WILL love your classes and your students ... that just takes some time. You are adapting to a LOT of things all at once and it will take a while before it "feels right."
It is good that you realize that God hasn't changed. That tells me that you WILL be fine - it will just be hard for a while.
Yes, you are missing some things here, like the first chapel. But ... you have also missed some NOT so fun things! Emily was excited when her computer and phone finally actually had HER name on them this morning ... until we realized that neither of them would let her sign on ... she can't get her voice mail or her computer stuff! She is getting to know Nick well. Then this morning the 8th grade class showed up. I say show up becasue it wasn't the day or time our schedule has them on! They just arrived unexpectantly! Another class is supposed to be here now and aren't. We've had water off and the Internet down and phones not working and copiers broken. The color printer sends its love, too! It's behavior hasn't changed.
I'm SO excited about your cello!!!!! Choir, orchestra & Praise Band have been praying for that cello. I can't wait to let choir know tonight that God answered their prayers with a "blessing!"
And, despite what the 1st day of school may have seemed like today (or was it yesterday? or tomorrow????)... I know YOU will be a blessing to your students this year!
Singing His Praise,
Leslie
Catherine, this is all normal and you are still adjusting. I promise that you will come to love the ICS kids with a fierce love. They will capture your heart...if you let them. I know it is hard to play comparisons. It doesn't compare and that is OK. You will come to embrace the differences. I promise you are a great teacher. On my first day at ICS 10 years ago, I felt like it didn't go well either. I had to keep repeating everything I said so many times. I worried that my whole year would consist of me repeating directions up to 5 times before the students knew what to do. In a few days time we had worked it all out and that year was a blast! I know that your mom won't be there Friday with Kindergarteners...but at least there will be one face you know and that loves you. I just hope she doesn't talk too much! :)
Dear Catherine,
Be encouraged. When we walk the steps He sets out for us, He walks them with us. Often He carries us as well. It takes courage to step out of our comfort zone and it takes more courage when the "honeymoon" is over and we get a glimpse of what we have really signed on for. We move to the inner city of Newark, NJ tomorrow and even though it is in the USA, it is foreign to us. The thought of what we are about to do is exciting but the reality is difficult, much as you face. I can tell by the comments to your blog that you have what it takes.
P&C's Aunt Ruth
Oh my gosh...We miss you to!! You are AMAZING. What more is there to say??? A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I want you to really realize that you are saving people from a horrible eternal death. WoW!! Ilove ya.
Love,
~Rachel~
Catherine --You do know by now that you are missed. You are in our questions the minute we get to choir practice Wednesdays and Sunday service.
This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend a birthday/anniversary party for my brothers in-laws. The "shindig" was held in Summerville, S.C. These great people were professors at Erskine University in their earlier careers--she teaching concert piano and he a choir director/fine arts teacher.
As part of the entertainment, 30 members of their elite acapella choir came to the party to sing for them with only 3 hrs practice to go on and they were wonderful. (It had been 30 years since they had sung together.) Have you any idea from that, how much a teacher can be remembered and loved. The dedication and work of these teachers came back to them beautifully in that one evening--it was heart melting to hear.
I hope that by now you've scrolled down to see who is writing all this stuff--it's just me Kate Smith, and I hope that you will come to see that no matter where you've been, are now, and will be in the future that you are loved and going to be charished by those who have the opportunity to be under your baton. Chin up dear.
Hoping to see you soon on the "e-waves"
Kate
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