God with us
I am sitting on the plane, about twelve hours or so into the journey home. (Boy, this trip doesn’t get any shorter, no matter how many times I take it!) The more time goes by, however, the more excited I get about what awaits me when I arrive in Jacksonville!
I must admit, I’ve been very homesick the last few weeks. I can’t tell if it’s been because of the holiday season or the “concert” season, but I have missed my family terribly! Everything seems to make me think of them and causes me to miss their presence. God continues to be faithful to meeting my needs – the areas of “lack” that I feel by each person of my family not being around – but I often wish He would meet those needs again
through them, not
apart from them. I feel very ungrateful in these thoughts though: I have been able to stay in such close contact with my family even despite the distance. I marvel at God’s gifts to me through the internet and the ability to fairly inexpensively call home frequently, not to mention the opportunity to go home twice a year! How many missionaries of the past were only able to receive letters every few months and when they left their homes in the first place, were not able to see their families again for years – if ever! God is indeed gracious.
But the desire remains to be
with my family members. I can’t wait to hold or be held by each of them, to play games and watch movies with my siblings, to spend hours talking to my mom over coffee in the mornings, to make music with my Dad (and everyone else at Pinewood!), to laugh and joke around the dinner table. There’s something to be said about being in the
physical presence of those you love.
Thoughts of which led to a sweet insight tonight into the preciousness of the gift of Christ’s presence on earth, given to us at Christmas. As I was thinking about these things, I was reminded of 1 John 1…
”That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life – the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us.” God knew we needed the tangible, so He sent Jesus into the world as a Person we could see, hear and touch. What love and condescension! What grace and mercy – that He would be our
Immanuel!
Intent
Last Monday I met with my principal to give her my "letter of intent." I told her that from what I can see at this time, God is leading me to stay another school year (2008-09) at ICS.
I had been sensing that this was God's answer for a few months, but somehow it was still a hard decision to make (thus one of the reasons I've waited almost a week to write about it here - I've been too sad to want to announce it!). Although I felt a complete peace regarding staying during the months of October and November, December hit with all its holiday memories and Christmas concert stress, and I've been overwhelmed by homesickness. So the thought of being away from my family and home church for even longer is a little hard to bear.
But praise God that He is bigger than my heart's emotions and is able to speak sure words into my confusion, sadness and fears. He did that through wise counselors in my life who were able to sort through my emotions and show me what is true in the midst of them. He spoke to me through situations, answering my questions and needs through them and graciously allowing me to see His work here. But even more amazingly, He spoke to me through His Word! I am now more convinced than I ever have been that the Word of God is living and active (Heb. 4:12). So many of the specific questions that I brought before the Lord, He answered directly through His Word, and in my times of fear and doubt, He very graciously spoke His promises to me again, showing me that "He who call
is faithful" - He
will supply all my needs and better yet, His presence will
indeed be with me as I remain here.
But lest I give the impression that only sadness has resulted from this decision...I
am very excited to stay and minister in Thailand. As I mentioned before, this year has been totally different from last year and I feel so much more settled, able to understand my students and serve here better without the stress of having to figure out how to live life all over again! Much of my reason for staying is because I want to "build" on what I've started in the relationships I have with my students (and kids at Maahathai). I really feel like I'm getting to know them as people this year and I want to continue that. In addition to that, overall (aside from the continued homesickness!), I am very happy in Bangkok and blessed in my work, friendships and church. God continually shows me what an amazing family I have amongst the team here and through them he has given me many substitute brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews. And lastly, He is growing me. I am continually stretched in my faith and challenged to know and love Him better. He has been causing me to rethink many things and grow in my understanding of how the gospel relates to my daily living and thinking as well as what it means for the people of Thailand. So God has been good and I trust He will continue to act lovingly as He fulfills His purposes for me.
Phaasaa Thay
I just finished my Thai lesson with Khruu Awe for the week so I'm pumped! I've been telling everyone "Chan rian phassaa Thai!" (I am studying the Thai language!) I'm going to state the obvious here, but...learning Thai has been
really useful! It's definitely not easy and I have to study and practice in between lessons, but I've been amazed at how many words/phrases I either already knew or hear on a regular basis but just wasn't sure what they meant. It's funny because the thing that's slowed me down (and yet at the same time, helped me learn more) has been learning to read the Thai phonetics that my book uses. Sometimes I'll be slowly sounding out a word and then go "Oh! That's _____" (a word I already use all the time but didn't recognize). So that's fun. : ) The things I'm learning in Module 1 are also just super useful. Last week we covered the lesson on directions and while I knew over 1/2 the vocabulary for that lesson, I wasn't quite putting the sentences together in the correct way. Not only that, but I discovered a couple of words/phrases that opened a whole new world for me giving directions to taxi drivers! So last weekend I took taxis to the MTW office both times I went there (I usually go there by bus because it's cheaper) just so that I could tell the taxi driver how to get there in advance (instead of telling him to "go straight, go straight, go straight...turn left here!"). After I did the first time and he understood me, I grinned and said "Chan rian phaasaa thay!" He just kind of laughed and complimented me on how well I speak it, which is a lie but was very kind.
Also funny (and has been obvious to many of you for a while but I'm just now realizing): I'm discovering some neat correlations between this tonal language and music. So many people have told me that Thai should be easier for me because I'm a musician, but I've never really thought so up to this point (and I'm still a little doubtful...). But as I'm sounding out my words, I find that "conducting" myself with my pencil helps me say the words correctly. AND I've started using "tones" to teach my kids in class! There have been a few songs I've been teaching them by rote for the Christmas concert but they haven't been singing the endings of phrases correctly. I finally discovered a pattern in one song and wrote it on the board telling them that "this word is a low tone, this one is high tone, this one is a rising tone and this is falling tone..." They immediately sang it correctly! So I guess I'm learning to speak their "language" in more ways than one. : )
