God's Sufficient Grace: November 2006

Sunday, November 26, 2006

"Where, oh where, is our tour guide?"

Cambodia: the sights

Cambodia: the people

Cambodia: the land

Siem Reap and the rest of my Cambodia trip

[I know the previous post was probably more than any of you were interested in reading, but believe it or not, it actually only covered the first day and a half of my weekend trip to Cambodia! So I wanted to finish sharing about my adventures, even if only for the sake of my family and my own journaling...]

I loved Cambodia. The people, the land, the culture. All were so simple, the people so gracious and kind and serving. As I wrote before, there was such an absence of materialism and commercialism there. And it was (comparatively) unaffected by Western culture (which, to me, was both a pleasant break and a great challenge!). Imagine that - a country largely devoid of Western marketing strategies and the corresponding feelings of "need" for more. I can't say I really enjoyed their "marketing" strategies a whole lot, though: "Madam, you want a coke? One dollar!" "Book! You buy book - only 3 dollars!" (Yes, they use US currency there. I know, bizarre.) "Lady, where you going? You need tuk-tuk? I take you!" "Madam, I take you on tuk-tuk! I show you hotel!" "Lady, what you need? I give you ride on tuk-tuk!" If you can imagine getting out of a bus and suddenly being surrounded by about 15-20 male tuk-tuk drivers all shouting the same things at you at the same time, holding up their signs, trying to talk you into letting them take you around the city, you'd begin to get idea of what being in Cambodia as a foreigner is like. They followed us as we walked down the streets, then lingered outside as we went into stores (in attempt to get away!) the whole time asking the same questions over and over and trying to get us to say something so that they could start a conversation. Melinda and I decided that the best response was complete silence and no eye contact while being surrounded with sympathetic Cambodian women. I got so irritated with them all that even if I had needed a ride, I would not have accepted it from one of these drivers but would have tried to find someone who was not in my face about selling their product.

So this was the state we were in for our first half hour or so after arriving in Siem Reap. Melinda and I sat around a bit, hanging out by the women at the coke stand with tuk-tuk drivers offering their services every few seconds while Maria made several phone calls trying to find out where our Christian travel agent/guide was and if he was indeed going to pick us up. He did, just a little late. But when he appeared, he was like a knight in shining armor for us in the midst of the chaos and pressure. "Same" (his nickname) was so gracious and kind and obviously honest that I could tell right away that he was a believer. He had a taxi hired for us for the day which the four of us climbed into and soon were swept away from all memories of maddening drivers. Same could speak English very well and we could tell right away that he was an excellent travel agent because he knew just what questions to ask about our visit and just what places to recommend (which he did in a very humble and gracious manner). And with every place he suggested, he told us how much it would typically cost through his travel agency (or for a regular tourist) but then told us how much we would need to pay. He got us a hotel room, sight-seeing tickets, dinner, and more for almost 1/2 the price they would have been, making no profit for himself. We kept asking how and why he would do this for us. His reason: "You are Christian, I am Christian. We are same, same." The Lord again blessed us - more than we could have asked or imagined. Same planned out our entire day of sight-seeing at Anchor Wat and made us dinner reservations at a lovely Cambodian buffet restaurant where we could see traditional Cambodian dancers, then took us out to a market afterwards and made sure we were set for the next day.

Because he had work to do at his job, Same could not stay with us the entire day, but he met up with us before dinner and ended up being able to join us for the meal. Earlier on in the day, Melinda had asked him how and when he became a Christian and while we ate, he shared with us pieces of his testimony. Then he ended up opening up to us and sharing how since he moved to Siem Reap a year or so ago, he had not been able to get Sundays off of work and thus had not been really involved in a church much. He has only been a believer a little over a year, I think, and was now feeling very alone in his walk and very far from God. He asked us what he should do and listened as we shared different things from the Bible that had helped us. By the end of dinner, he seemed so encouraged (as were we!) and told us how God had worked out so many things during that day so that he could get away from work and actually spend time with us. He really felt that God had sent us to him to help him draw closer to God again. The whole thing was very amazing. We all parted ways filled with great joy!

Friday night I began to feel very icky and Saturday morning woke up nauseous. And what a day to feel nauseous! Saturday we were to make our way back to Phnom Penh - this time traveling by boat! This boat ride on the river was actually the thing I was looking forward to the most about our whole trip to Cambodia. Sadly, I ended up not being able to enjoy it at all. I threw up in the hotel room before we left, then again after we got to the boat dock (after having ridden in a crowded pick-up truck with exhaust coming through the windows along bumpy roads for a 1/2 hour), then threw up a third time in the boat. The smell of gasoline in the motor-boat made me feel worse, as did trying to look out the windows at the passing shoreline. So I curled up on the seats on the bottom deck of the boat, plugged up my nose and tried to sleep through the entire 6-hour ride. So much for seeing the beautiful river and aquatic life! When we arrived in Phnom Penh, it was more harassment from tuk-tuk drivers (which is doubly annoying when you feel like throwing up), more waiting on our wonderful, already hired tuk-tuk driver, then confusion in communicating with him which delayed our return back to dorm at least an hour. Almost 3 hours later, we were finally back at the girls' dorm where I could lay down on a bed and really rest. Melinda and Maria were wonderful to me and even though I ruined our sight-seeing plans for the remainder of the day, they faithfully took care of me - getting me water and crackers and coke, reading to me as I fell asleep, checking up on me every few minutes. They were amazing.

Also amazing was the Cambodian girls' response. Saturday night was their regularly scheduled English class. Since we were there and knew English very well : ), we had decided to help in any way we could. When class time came, I did not feel up to going and teaching, but Melinda and Maria did and were able to serve them in that way. Turns out the curriculum they were using taught English through Bible stories and the lesson they were on was about Jesus healing Peter's mother-in-law. As she explained the vocab., Melinda shared how she had a sick friend upstairs. Later one of the Cambodian girls asked if they could come up and pray for me! Three of them came up to our room and we sat down and all prayed together, "Thai-style" (which I'm now guessing is also "Cambodian-style"): all praying out loud at the same time. It was so cool to hear 3 languages at once being offered up in prayer to the Father! We prayed for them as well, after hearing a bit about their needs. I was so touched by their love and faith and concern for me! Also amazing was the fact that one of the girls who came up to pray was Muslim. She did not pray, but sat and listened and gave me many kind smiles.

So in the amazingly good and even in the (physically) miserable, God's hand was obviously on our trip and blessed us at each turn. He encouraged me, taught me, opened my eyes, gave me rest and refreshment and many good gifts along the way. He is so good!

Please, please continue to pray for my health though! (Can you tell I'm getting desperate?) I seem to be in a pattern of 2 weeks well/1 week sick this fall - except this past week it heightened to 3 days sick, 2 days well, then 2 days (so far) sick again. I still do not feel completely well and don't really feel up to eating much. And this all before 3 very stressful weeks of last-minute Christmas concert preparations!! Regardless of how I feel tomorrow, though, I have to go to work (my string classes need as much rehearsal time as they can get at this point!). Please pray that God will heal me and keep me well until at least January!!

Journal from Friday, November 24

I’m now on a bus traveling from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap (Cambodia). The first couple hours have been spent in wonderful, edifying conversation with Melinda, while my eyes have been glued to the beautiful landscape passing before us. I feel like I’m driving through a CEF missionary story: rice fields, palm trees, one room thatch-roofed houses on stilts with white cows tied up underneath; agricultural workers in the fields wearing coolie straw hats and leading pairs of yoked oxen; Buddhist wats (and schools?) with kids running around barefoot outside, their bicycles parked all in a row beside the gate. It’s all so green, simple and picturesque – I can’t help but love it. I smile at these wonderful people and am thrilled when they give me a big smile in return. What a happy place – probably largely due to the time of peace and relief they are experiencing after their land has recently been so torn apart by war. And I wonder, too, if the simplicity of these little villages lends itself to greater contentment in life when they are so far from the materialism and rat race of our more modern culture. All in all, it is a beautiful thing to see. And so good to be out of the crowded, dirty, busy city of Bangkok.

I am traveling with two friends from Prong Jai [the smaller campus at ICS where I teach one day a week]: Melinda (K5 teacher) and Maria (secretary/nurse/substitute/aide/everything!). Our Cambodia trip was planned largely by my wonderful Thai friend, Maria, who has Thai missionary connections in Cambodia and in general, understands Southeast Asian travel better than either Melinda or I. I must admit that I am very excited to be on this trip as it is my first true backpacking travel experience. And what an adventure! I feel like I’m actually experiencing the life and culture of the Cambodians around me (although I know I’m still very much viewed by them as the “farong” tourist that I am!). I (rather uncharacteristically!) packed light for our 4-day trip, carrying everything on my back. We’re seeing the city in a tuk-tuk and the countryside in a bus in which we are the only foreign passengers. Using “toilets” (most of which are Asian squatty-potties!) at stops along the way – only partially enclosed buildings with no toilet paper (and no way to flush it if you choose to buy tissue), no soap, and a manual “bucket and scoop” flush system. (They have these in Bangkok as well – just seems more rugged here.) The girls’ dorm we stayed in last night, though spacious, was also very non-Western. No A/C, so we spent the night (still quite hot in late November) with windows open, fans on (which I didn’t end up feeling), sleeping on a platform bed with a thin foam mattress, no top-sheet and mosquito-net covering. (Other than the heat, it was actually better than being under my expensive Satin sheets and getting bitten throughout the night! I’m seriously considering investing in a mosquito net.) When I “showered” last night, the biggest question on my mind was not whether or not they’d have hot water but rather whether the running water would actually come out (it did, albeit in spurts). Cool water has never felt so good, though, after spending the day so hot and sticky and dirty. But we are traveling cheap – We are giving a comparatively “generous” donation of $5 a person per night for the aforementioned missionary dorm (they weren’t going to charge us anything, I don’t think). Our 5-6 hour bus trip is about $4/person. Renting a tuk-tuk for an entire day is $14 (divided by 3, of course). My ice-coffee and baguette breakfast on the streets was less than 70 cents. This whole experience is showing me how wealthy, spoiled, weighed down with “stuff” and snobbish I am compared to the greater population of the world. And it is helping me redefine the term “basic life needs.”

So my Thanksgiving Day was spend in such a non-traditional way that Melinda and I had to keep reminding each other what day it was! I woke up at 4:30 in the morning to take a 5:00 taxi to the airport to meet the other girls for a 7:00 flight. The flight (also very inexpensive on a cheap airline) was delayed, so after rushing to get on the little plane, we were all asked to get off 5 minutes later and ended up waiting almost 2 hours in the airport terminal. We spend that whole time in conversation with a very friendly, interesting Australian girl who was traveling alone. We arrived in Phnom Penh around 11:00 a.m. and were picked up by a very sweet Cambodian girl who works with the Thai missionary couple that Maria knows. She (can’t remember and could never pronounce her name! : ( ) took us to their house to visit for a bit before the man (OMF missionary and pastor of the church there) took the 4 of us out to lunch. He spoke English, Thai and Khmer all very well and was such a welcoming host, so we were able to enjoy a very interesting and encouraging conversation over a traditional Cambodian meal (which was very much like Thai food except less spicy). This man came to Cambodia about 10 years ago, at which time there were around 2,000 Christians in this country. He said that number has grown to the 100,000s today. In addition to pastoring his church of 100, he and the other missionaries also oversee the women’s dorm where we spent the night. Several years ago, one of the single women who worked with the team developed a heart for all the many girls who she worked with in the factory. This woman was able to buy (?) an old hotel and open it up as a dormitory for these girls to stay for an extremely small fee. There are about a dozen girls there now – “girls” between the ages of about 17-25 – and all seem to be so happy. And, although we weren’t able to really communicate with them due to the lack of a common language, they really seemed to have developed a neat community there. The Cambodian girl who picked us up from the airport, in addition to working as a security guard at the Parliament building, lives as kind of a “dorm mother” with the girls. Although she only has a 4th grade education (having had to quit school because of the war), she teaches Bible at the church and holds Bible studies for the girls at the dorm – some of which are Buddhist and Muslim, but all of which come, I think. It was very encouraging to hear these reports of what God is doing in another country.

In addition to blessing us through this man’s hospitality and conversation, God also used him to serve us as a fatherly protector of us single girls in a foreign country. He asked Maria about the details of our trip and then recommended the safest, cheapest, and all-around best modes of transportation and places to see. He put us in contact with another Christian man and travel agent in Siem Reap and before we parted ways, sat our tuk-tuk driver down and told him exactly where to take us for the remainder of the day. It was a beautiful picture to me of the body of Christ and the bond we have with other believers that supercedes all cultural and language barriers.

The most impactful event of the remainder of the day was our visit to the Tuol Sleng genocide museum. It was a former Khmer Rouge prison, used for housing, interrogating, torturing and killing over 12,000 people during the Khmer regime between the years of 1975 and 1978. It was probably the most horrific thing I have ever seen, between walking through all of the stark prison cells to reading personal journals written by relatives of the prisoners and other historical markers and information about what happened. We walked through room after room full of billboards that were covered with photographs of the prisoners – men, women and children – both before and after they were tortured. One room showed many of the torture devices used as they mercilessly interrogated these Cambodians. It’s hard to believe that the human mind could invent something so barbarous. As I walked slowly through the prison cells, I wondered which was more shocking and horrifying: that a group of government officials could actually carry out such a massive slaughter of people or that no one tried to stop them, no one was willing to fight on behalf of these oppressed. (I do not know the whole history – I certainly want to read more now – I’m sure there were people who tried, but I’m amazed that the majority of the world was either apathetic or ignorant of all that was going on – and all this happened less than 30 years ago!) And as my eyes beheld these sickening sights, I wondered why I or anyone else would even want to see them and take an afternoon to learn more or remember about what happened. As soon as the question entered my mind, the answer followed: we all need to know about this so that it will NEVER happen again.

The visit to the prison showed me how low mankind can stoop and the true nature of sin – how sickening, deceptive, merciless, and binding it really is.

I am so grateful Melinda was on this trip with me. Before bed we had a long discussion about all that we had seen – I certainly needed a debriefing session to sort through all the emotions I was feeling. We talked, prayed, and cried about it all – and actually much of our conversation led to thanks and praise to God, especially as we were thinking of it all in light of our American holiday and comparing it to our own incredibly blessed lives. I learned so much from being there and talking with her that it would be impossible to write it all down. But one of the most important things I saw in the pictures of captivity and torture was my Savior…

As we prayed, I saw so vividly the cross and my Jesus. As I thought about the torture that so many Cambodians had undergone during their time at the prison, I realized that Jesus Christ went through that exact same torture on the cross. Somehow in my safe, PG-rated world, I’m not used to seeing such horrific pain and agony. Seeing all of the photographs gave me a picture of what the cross and road up to it must have looked like. Jesus suffered just like these – but with one major difference: Most were innocent and did not deserve to be there, just like Jesus, but each of those Cambodian nationals was helpless and had no means of escape. They were taken from their villages and homes without time to run away or place to hide or power to fight. Not so with Christ. He who made the heavens and the earth, for which nothing is impossible or too difficult to carry out (Jeremiah 32:17), willingly submitted Himself to this kind of pain and torture. The high priests, Sanhedrin, Roman government, Jewish people did not force Him to be beaten, scourged, nailed, pierced – He could have broken away from them at any point. No, He laid down His life at every turn during His time on earth and ultimately to the point of death. Why? For me. For this lost world. For all of us who wouldn’t ever understand, truly “get it” or thank Him rightly for it. So great is His love for us!

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I Got a Pet!

Actually, 6 of them. Six small, brightly colored, female tropical fish. They are very pretty and hopefully will all adjust well in their new little home (which is sitting on top of the end table beside the Thai-style lamp in my "living room").

I must admit, as cute as my little girls are, I bought them primarily for utilitarian purposes. They are mosquito-eating fish. When I did the internet research on mosquitoes, I discovered on a "natural" solutions website that a safer way of getting rid of them, as opposed to insecticides, would be to either keep chickens, lizards or fish. Since taking care of chickens seemed a bit, um, impractical in my one-room 4th floor apartment and having a lizard around was a bit undesirable to me personally (although my friend next door had a gecko - not on purpose! - for a few months and didn't have any problem with insects), I decided fish were my only option. Tonight I went out to dinner with several people and the restaurant we went to seemed to be in the middle of the "pet store" district! (Well, not really, but there were several pet stores around!). Afterwards when everyone else was looking at the husky puppies, I inquired (through my Thai friend) about the fish and before I knew it, I ended up with 6 fish (buy 5 get 1 free!), fish food, a small tank and an oxygen pump.

I'm very excited about them - although now I have to think about the great responsibilities of fish-keeping: feeding twice a day, cleaning the tank, getting a fish-sitter when I go out of town... But if it gets me a full night's sleep, I'll be happy. This week I'm 3-0 for getting bitten in the middle of the night.

I'll post a picture soon! : )

Monday, November 06, 2006

Beaten Down

This past week I feel like I've been beaten down time after time on several different fronts. But before I share about this week, let me just say how good God is. I've been concerned recently that the only things coming out of my mouth are self-centered complaints: that I'm becoming "calamity girl" who only has a new story to share about her own woes and very little of anything edifying to offer. If I grow in any way from this, I hope I become a person who offers praise to the Lord at all times and who considers others' hurts and needs before my own. Not quite there yet...still a far way to grow.

But God has been good. He has continued to fill me with joy. Concerning my Christmas concerts, He is taking care of them. He is helping me find the people and resources I need to get ready for the concerts early. He is helping the children to learn their music and, I believe, love it as much as I do. They are right on schedule, I think, for this time in the preparation weeks leading up to the concert. God has provided for many opportunities for me to talk to them about Christ, His birth and why He came. I am sorry I have not seized even more of those opportunities, but at each one, it always seems that there are one or two students in particular who are really intently listening. All listen politely, all are hearing, but some students really seem to want to know. Today I shared my testimony with the K5 classes, which was so cool for me because I was 5 myself when I first received Christ! And in one of the songs they are learning it says that Jesus was "born to save the world from sin, born to make us new within" - which is exactly how I felt after I "invited Jesus into my heart." They also listened eagerly to my story.

God is also continuing to build a community for me here. In addition to the wonderful MTW retreat, I've spent some very good times with large groups of ICS teachers (at the "Fall Party" and again tonight at a BBQ for everyone in our apartment building) and enjoyed getting to know them all better. I'm also enjoying meeting and praying with Kristi and Amber, my two "spiritual partners" on a weekly basis. And a few times recently, two of the other girls in my apartment building (Jen and Shawnna) and I have cooked and eaten dinner together, which was a really wonderful time of fellowship.

Oh, and God gave me a very special gift last week! I was walking back to my apartment after swimming laps and all the sudden, I smelled home!!! I stopped short and took a big whiff and then searched around to try and figure out where in the midst of Bangkok (which typically has a very wide variety of smells, ranging from street food to exhaust/gas/pollution to a backed-up sewer) I could be smelling my yard and neighborhood. I realized that it was coming from a whole row of trees on the one side of the Elementary building. They have hundreds of little flowers that had fallen and scattered all around that walkway and they smelled exactly like the Jasmine vine in our backyard at home. Someone told me later that those are Jasmine trees - which I didn't even know existed, but it makes perfect sense ("scents" - ha, ha! alright, bad joke...). So God gave me flowers - not a bouquet but about 6-7 trees of them - with my favorite aroma in the world. : )

It seems that every time I am filled with joy or pleasure in my work or life in Bangkok, though, something happens to either shake it or takes so much needless energy that it almost distracts me from it. This week it seemed to be a series of "little" things that led to one frustrated and then really sick Catherine. First it was my bank card again - which got eaten by the ATM machine on campus. This meant rushing to the bank two more afternoons after school to apply for and then pick up my now third card (and trying to communicate my needs to the workers at the bank when they don't know English and I don't know Thai). Then I've had a least 3 more nights this week when mosquitoes either woke me up or kept me up. The second night, I was so angry at the mosquito that had bitten my arms, face and even feet - yes, they were under the sheets - and frustrated at not being able to sleep that I got up and googled "mosquitoes" trying to find out if there was anything else I could possibly do to get them out of my apartment (I have already tried a whole list of things) or make myself less desirable to them. As to the last thing, I discovered that I can stop using scented soap/shampoo (which I may try), stop being "warm" at night and stop breathing (they like CO2). I've tried a few other "apartment" things since that night which have helped a little but have not completed eradicated them. And looking around me this evening, I think I'm in for another frustrating night of sleep.

Then Wednesday, after a week of feeling more healthy again, I had a headache all day, which turned into a sinus headache and fever on Thursday which then worsened and turn into a few other things Friday and Saturday. I taught Wednesday and Thursday, but had to leave after one meeting on Friday (our "inservice" day) because I was too weak and tired to sit through meetings. I stayed in my apartment almost the entire two days and felt worse (and ate less) than I had in a long time. Needless to say, my grand weekend plans of going to the High School International school choral festival and going Christmas shopping with some of the Thai girls who work at ICS were cancelled. I was pretty discouraged and, well, beaten down.

God was good to me in the midst of the sickness. I did not get as depressed as I have at other times in the past few months when stuck up alone in my apartment for a whole day or more. Probably part of the reason was I had a few visitors! (And was able to talk to my family and a few friends long distance too! : ) Amber particularly blessed me by bringing over a whole load of "Catherine Get-Better" stuff: chicken soup (Thai style), bottles of water, tea bags, gatorade, bread, Beth Moore DVDs and more. She ate dinner and talked with me a bit on Friday night. God showed me He could still take care of me when I feel miserable, even when my family is not near to help. (Although I will say just hearing my mom's voice when I called her made a HUGE difference in how well I felt!)

So why? Why all of these things at once? I'm so glad I talked to both Kim and Dave on Sunday at/after church about this week. I had been wondering what I was doing wrong. Trying to figure out what God was trying to teach me. Have I really been trying to do so much in my own strength that He keeps having to break my strength to prove it's Him? I haven't really felt like I've had a chance to feel strong in a while - at least not strong enough to do great things "for" God. Both Kim and Dave in two separate conversations said that it really sounds like spiritual warfare. That Satan hates it when God's children take pleasure in their Father and that, of course, he's going to do his best to strip it away in whatever means possible. Dave also talked about the ways he's seen Satan try to strip away different team member's sense of calling with repeated attacks in certain areas. In a lot of ways, this week (and what he said) only strengthens my sense of calling to be here doing what I'm doing. Praise God for grace-filled, Godly counselors.

Please keep praying. Not only for me, but for the rest of the MTW team as they also have dealt with ministry frustrations, sleeping problems and health concerns since the retreat. Also, please continue to be in prayer for the Christmas concerts and the hearts of the children that are growing more and more dear to me each week.

God's Sufficient Grace